Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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