you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
