You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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