i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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