Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
