Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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