I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
