Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
