i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
