I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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