I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
