So drunk its hurt
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i was born a porn star she said
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
