I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
