What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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