Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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