He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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