I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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