That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
