It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
