Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
