Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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