Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
