I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
