how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
