Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
