Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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