history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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