im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
