don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
