just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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