He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
