ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Semen is not good for contacts.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
