she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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