just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize
