Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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