She's JV to your varsity
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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