It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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