You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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