i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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