My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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