you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
