The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
