I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
