I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you would pick up someone in the library
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
