At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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