Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
