sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
