Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
