Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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