Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
