you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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