i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
