a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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