soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
