I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
