Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
