Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
