I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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