I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
