Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
