I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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