last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
