Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
