My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
