home. puking in laundry basket.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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