yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
