i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
