Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
