The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
