He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
