Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
