You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
