I can tuck mytits in my pants
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
