and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
