Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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