she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
