I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
