you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
