this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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