I think i sorta joined a cult last night
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
