I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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