I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
