I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
